A city brought to its knees. Snowlocaust 2011 has officially transformed Chicago into Hoth. Last night was insane, with 60mph winds playing Ike to the city's Tina. There was fucking LIGHTNING. That's right: thundersnow. At first I thought it would be romantic - stuck inside during the worst blizzard in 40 years, have a great dinner, drink a bottle of wine. 3 hours later, and with all power and heat gone, plunged into an angry darkness to listen only to the sound of our antique building - once a brewery in the 1850's - creak and gasp and moan, I was just drunk and freaked. I checked the thermostat around 4 am to find it was 34 degrees in my loft, and outside...still no mercy. Only those smart enough to go out on tauntauns were able to make it home. I swear to god a wampa was trying to break through my bedroom ceiling.
Well, the power is back. Heat too. Outside the clerestory windows of my loft, drifts have overtaken cars.
It's blindingly white when the winds die enough to allow the sun to glance off the dunes of snow. A man on cross-country skis glided past below, a "Suck it, motherbitches!" on his chapped lips. This is Lakeshore Drive, the very aorta of the city's roadways:
Buses fucking BURIED IN SNOW. And there were people stuck inside those cars for nearly 13 hours. We call them morons. This city had a week's notice for this catastrophe, so excuses for driving last night are extremely hard to come by. It's the Chicago machismo hard at work. Today those stranded cars are further crippling efforts to get the city working again. Press conferences full of defeated and frightened city official faces crack me up as I watch from over the lip of my steaming coffee mug.
Really, this isn't a joking matter. There are people here that have been seriously affected by these conditions, and I hope they receive the aid they need. Or an AT-AT walker. I was planning on vacationing on Alderaan after this, but then I got the bad news. What's Coruscant like this time of year? Great night life, I imagine.
Stay warm and stay inside. Do what I do and get some pretzel rolls proofing. This can't last forever.
Ahhh, Chicago. Blissfully carefree in the Summertime, hard core Bitch in the Winter. I don't miss it. Of course I just spent an hour chopping ice off of my car, so apparently I'm not bright enough to move quite far enough South. Hope you have enough coffee, booze and Scooby snacks to stay in 'til the big thaw. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteCome and live on Endor with me. The trees are green, there are mountains and water, and in the winter it stays in the 40s. Of course, you'll have to deal with Ewoks...(my favorite way to deal with them? Braise them in stout and serve them with a nice green salad)
ReplyDeleteOMG cracking me up! One time Im glad I dont live in the city. My suburban apt was nice and toasty the whole storm :) Feel terrible for all those that were stranded on Lake Shore! Eek
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