Monday, January 31, 2011

300 Fans and Counting GIVEAWAY

We started 2011 with 228 Facebook fans, and within 31 days - with the irreplaceable support of the fans - we've reached 300! In LNF-land (a magical, glittery, topsy-turvy place where unicorns run free, hats go on your feet, and hamburgers eat people) that means FREE SHIT.

This Is How We Break It Down.

Caption the picture below* using the "comment" feature on either the blog or the Facebook page, sending me a message, or leaving it on LNF's wall. Make it mocking or mushy, filthy or fabulous, but make it good. You can enter up to 3 times. Contest ends Monday, February 7th, so hurry!

3 winners. I pick my favorite, and the other two will be randomly chosen at

1st Place: Something amazing.
2nd Place: Something awesome.
3rd Place: Something astounding

It could be this. Or this. Maybe...this? Guess you'll have to caption your ass off and see (or, you know, just check back here in a few days to see if I've decided what the prizes will be). This will be my most lavish giveaway prizes to date, and you know LNF does lavish well.

Ready? Set? GO.

*photo copyright Mariel Clayton. She fucking rules.

30 DoP #20 - "Shiver"

The birds are all gone, the sky low and slate grey. The skyline of Chicago even matches with its concrete and glass edifices staring blankly over a frozen lake, little gasps of steam sighing out while we anxiously await the end to the ennui of winter. Even the daytime hookers in Boystown are nowhere to be found. And now we hear that the "snowmageddon" has turned its chapped face toward us. Two feet of new snow in the next 48 hours, and it's not powdery Aspen snow - it's Chicago snow. It's wet, huge flakes mixed with sharp needles of ice assaulting the face, loamy frost accumulating against every urban surface, angry precipitation. No amount of deep dish pizza or kielbasa can warm those of us who have chosen to live half our lives shrouded in armor against the cold - bulky pea coats, boots like hooves, cashmere scarves, those freaky little Hannibal Lector face masks hipster bike messengers love. Everyone looks like an overcooked baked potato. Fashion dies in this season, and I mourn it.

Friday, January 28, 2011

30 DoP #19 - "C'mon Get Happy"

Happy Molecule Embroidered Wall Art

Things That Made Me Happy This Week:

1. Seeing the delicate butterfly wearing her Pajama Jeans at Starbuck's this morning. At first I thought it was two pigs struggling inside a denim bag, but no. Pajama Jeans.

2. Cinnamon toast.

3. Mixing Dayquil, Benadryl, ibuprofen, Vick's nasal spray, beer, and a multivitamin. I felt like this lady.

4. My cat sitting on the ledge of the bathtub, dipping as much of her tail into the water as possible, then spending 45 minutes chasing it loudly around the loft.

5. Scoring some free promo cards from Sure, they're branded with the Etsy logo which makes my teeth grind at the back of my head, but hell....they were free.

6. An evening of vice with the illustrious Bridgette Potter (nee Stephanie Howell), followed by a double-dose of My Strange Addiction ("I Eat Toilet Paper") and Toddlers and Tiaras, buffalo chicken pizza, cupcakes, and wine.

7. Finding this:

8. Seeing my art made into art. It was so meta, so postmodern.

9. Learning that Flava Flav is opening a chicken shack next to the KFC in the very (remote, tiny, rural) Iowa town where I worked as Head Costume Designer aboard the Clinton Area Showboat Theatre.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

A Magnanimus Declaration of Snark

Be seen AND heard. Rope of brushed steel cross chain are peppered with small industrial steel washers, cascading assertively down the decolletage. This bib isn't for babies, so quit crying. Each rope of altered chain hangs from another length of the same, reaching strongly around the throat and clasping at the nape of the neck with a steel lobster claw clasp. The length is adjustable, so be your own boss and make the executive decision yourself.

Like all Lad Named Felix™ pieces, this comes "signed" with LNF's hand-stamped tag, ensuring your one-of-a-kind piece is an authentic LNF creation!

Brushed industrial steel cross chain
Industrial steel washers (30+)
Steel lobster claw clasp

30 DoP #18 - "I Love..."

Card Wallet - The Mondo

In the Time Before, I never had my insurance card; in the Time Before, my cash and business cards were hopelessly forgotten at home when I rushed out in a hurry. Each credit and debit card had a sensuous curve that matched perfectly the contour of my ass. I had nowhere to stash important fortune cookie slips. It all changed at Handmade Market (and I ascended into the Time After).

My table had the fortune of being placed next to Beth at Besu's table, and after a few hours of bloody marys with PBR chasers eyeballing her stock, I couldn't control myself anymore, and I purchased the very wallet pictured above.

Let's talk about me and wallets. I don't want my ass to look as if there's a tumor in the right cheek of which I am not yet aware. This rules out traditional leather wallets. Also, they're heavy and smelly and I lose stuff in the little pockets. I always knew I could do better, and my frustrated waiting (the Time Before) paid off.

First of all, it was a S-T-E-A-L at $6 (c'mon kids - handstitching complicated, folded pieces of fabric like this is not an easy or even fun task), and, hello, I'm a sucker for houndstooth. I carry this lovely everyday in the right rear pocket of my pants. It's thin, but fits all my credit cards/Lego VIP card (muy importante), unsolicited twink phone numbers cash, business cards, debit card, insurance cards, ID, and whatever else I want to shove into it and forget about. Like bar receipts. I don't really need to see how much a round of drinks costs me, because I'm ugly when I cry. When my Besu gets dirty, I handwash it, allow it to airdry and it bounces right back into perfect shape. The cotton is uber-flexible, which is important, cause you know my jeans need to be tight across 'dat ass.

I love Besu's work, and I know you will too. I've included a few more choice items below for your perusal. Happy shopping, hoors!

Card Wallet - Garden Gnomes Ruffle Clutch - Red Pop Dot Card Wallet - I Love My Bike

What's 30 Days of Play?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

30 DoP #17 - "Extravagantly Extravagant"

Scintillating and uber-modern. I love this ring. Black diamonds are so enormously striking, and finding them with the least amount of noticeable flaws is a task. Black diamonds are often pitted and marred with deposits that cause them to appear striated in some manner, which adds to their rareness. Should I ever get married (and though I believe very strongly that, politically, all human beings should have equal marriage rights, I just don't consider marriage a necessity in the modern world), this style of ring is what I'd want. I mean, seriously. Look at it. It's flawless. Don't I deserve that? God, I'm drooling. CLOSING THE WINDOW.

Flattery Works

Sako Tumi is an illustrator, photographer, and graphic designer stationed in the Washington DC area. She graduated from the Art Institute of Washington in 2006 with a Bachelor's in Graphic Design, and has 10 years of experience in the illustration industry. If Photoshop is her skin, and Illustrator her flesh, then InDesign is her bones. Also, she is part robot, and an octopus. Sako is currently engaged in 30-day blog project in which she creates visual art pieces that correspond with certain criteria. Yesterday's was "Something New", and the darling chose to center a piece around her newest LNF piece, A Cumulus Agglomeration. I'm flattered, and as always, staggered by Sako's talent.

Monday, January 24, 2011

30 DoP #16 - "LOLwhat?"

Neon Pink Wangwear

...aaaaand we're back. My sincerest apologies for this. It's Monday and I'm hungover and it's -5 degrees outside and,'s a pink weiner on a pair of tighty-whities.

Friday, January 21, 2011

And ain't it great? Listen, kids - this is gonna be a busy weekend for me, so I'm postponing the second half of 30 Days of Play until Monday. A bitch needs a break. And some whiskey. So I'll catch you then!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

30 DoP #15 - "Naughty or Nice?"

There's not much to explain here. It's one of my favorite words, and, admit's one of yours too. Say it now; say it loud, say it soft, whisper it gently into your palm.


It's like a big shiny bow on any sentence.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

30 DoP #14 - "Epic"

Indulge me in telling you a secret.

I'm a geek.

No, really. It's true. I leveled a Blood Elf Warlock to 80 with Tier 9 gear. I owned everyone in my high school class at Magic: The Gathering (Black/Blue deck). I've read Tolkien, and dissertations on Tolkien, and adaptations of Tolkien. I've read The Silmarillion. Three times. At one point in my life, I did not need a handbook to play an epic game of Dungeons and Dragons. Name an MMORPG - I've played them all. My Christmas tree this year featured Legos as decorations. Seen every episode of Xena: Warrior Princess. I didn't feel sorry for that wimp Ender. Do you know who Mace Windu is? I do. In fact, I've successfully pirated totally legally obtained all the episodes of The Clone Wars: Animated Series. In fact, my geekdom might be best described through my love of all things Star Wars. Even The Phantom Menace, for fuck's sake. I went as a Sith for Halloween last year, with full metal armor and a homemade lightsaber constructed from plumbing components. It's bad folks.

This is why I chose today's 30 Days of Play item. It's specific. It's epic. It makes me feel like Alderaan was never destroyed.

It's earrings and rum at my studio right now

Some new earrings, newly listed at the shop! I worked hardcore last night for hours, rum on the rocks at my side, with a rolling playlist of my favorite karaoke numbers cranked in the background. It's intricate work, creating earrings, and taking photos of the damn things is no picnic (even if there was fried chicken involved). Rewarding, though. Won't you play my number one karaoke hit below while you peruse the new stock?

Maiden no More Lotus, Deconstructed Boho Starlet

30 DoP #13 - "Hello"

Everyone likes friendly robots. You know, the kind with springs for arms, all whizzes and beeps, that serve us drinks and cleans our apartments. No threat of massive machine apocalypse with a Roomba. This adorable guy falls into that category. Until Skynet takes over. Then it's genocide and nuclear frenzy. It's scary, guys. Buy this apron and use it to make the fatty dishes and strong drinks that will calm you as the world devolves into iinevitable, terrible chaos. From here to 2012, it's all whiskey, orgies and fried macaroni and cheese for me. Won't you join me? Aprons required. We're not animals, after all.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


I like you people. You like me. You deserve a reward. Until MIDNIGHT tonight, January 18, magically take 15% off any purchase at LNF's Etsy shop! Refund happens via PayPal at checkout. HURRY BITCHES.

Monday, January 17, 2011

30 DoP #12 - "Liquid"

I realized this morning that I missed a day in 30 Days of Play. SCANDAL. I guess I was too busy yesterday laying on my couch fearing the impending work week that blogging totes escaped my attention. My apologies to anyone who sat at their screen, fervently striking F5 over and over again and being rewarded with nothing but my stony e-silence.

Anyway, back to the festivities! Today's word is "liquid", defined as "neither gaseous nor solid" as well as "graceful, smooth, unconstricted". I humbly apply these criteria to this gorgeous vase/bowl. Yeah, yeah, I know - this is the second vase-like object I've featured in a consecutive post. I couldn't help it. My striving to seek out Etsy items that exists outside the box insists a little originality, and I found it here. Glass always enamors me - it's a material that totally confuses and scares me. The idea of me finding enough bravery to shape something so elegant and mysterious out of FUCKING MOLTEN HOT ROCK makes me giggle. I don't even like working with resin. Liquidity is too...unpredictable. I can't maintain an iron grip of control over it like I can with the materials I traditionally use in my work. I suppose that contributes to my fascination. This piece is so organic and hauntingly beautiful - I can't get enough of the lip of the thing...liquid dripping skyward. The colors and pattern just increase my childish fixation. Absolutely unique.


Last night, I made an enormous batch of oven fries a’la Root, popped on my furry boots, and settled in between the boyfriend and the cat to join the millions of voyeurs in America in watching the Golden Globes. Its widely known that the Hollywood Foreign Press – the entity in full charge – has a nasty habit of nominating certain celebrities, television shows, and films in a transparent attempt to coerce A-listers to attend the ceremony (hellooooo The Tourist), so I, like so many people, ignore the awards and focus on the fashion. In a transparent attempt to find something to write about on this ugly, cold Chicago Monday morning, I’m sharing my Top 5 favorites. Without further ado, and before my coffee gets cold:

#5 – Robert Downey Jr. in a suit that would look better crumpled on my floor

Men in well-fitting suits are the fastest way to turn me into a total mind-skank. Triple that whorishness when it’s Robert Downey Jr. Love the shade of grey and the modern-meets-vintage cut; love the blazing red silk tie. This could only be hotter if he wore one of his costumes from Sherlock Holmes (that’s elementary, you dirty slut).

#4 – Claire Danes in Calvin Klein Collection

I love that Claire Danes seems to be giving a big “whatevs” to the whole shindig. She looks stunning in hot pink (ever so close to Pantone’s 2011 Color of the Year , Honeysuckle, I might add…), but this is clearly a woman with better things to think about than another awards show. Leave the poofy, crusty trash to the professionals – like Jennifer Love Hewitt (who resembled nothing more than a holy water basin in some drag queen church).

#3 – Angelina Jolie in Versace Atelier

Love the color. Love the shoulder pads. Love the subtle- nod to an 80’s Halston silhouette. She’s an understated siren in sparkly seafoam green, and still kind of looks like one of Charlie’s Angels. Can’t hate it.

#2 – Anne Hathaway in Armani PrivĂ©

Holy shoulder pads! They’re forgiveable because you can almoooooost see her buttcrack, and the iridescent embellishment on her tight-fitting full-length gown make it look like armor (you know, that sleazy girl-armor that all fantasy role-playing nerds insist female characters wear). Needs tramp stamp.

#1 – Helena Bonham Carter in Vivienne Westwood

Bellatrix LeStrange captivates me in a Frankenstein-esque frock inspired by a fabric shower curtain in your spinster aunt’s house, frosted with black tulle for that extra glam, and MISMATCHED SHOES. Srsly. I love those bridesmaid dye-to-match pumps with the delicate wrap-around tie. Take a look around the interwebs today – you’d think those mismatched shoes are on some government watch list. We won’t talk about her hair, because, well, we don’t need to. It’s glorious in its silence. Helena Bonham Carter is the grown-up uber-wealthy version of all the Dungeons and Dragons geeks I hung out with in high school – the difference being I actually BELIEVE her. When she sees a dragon in the corner, I’m getting my fucking axe.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

30 DoP #11 - "Green"

Devil Woman Stiletto Cactus Planter

It's an upcycled patent leather platform stiletto in which an evil cactus is planted. It's so fierce my fucking face hurts. Where has this been all my life? I could totally keep a cactus alive. Ladies and gentlemen, this is game changer. This item proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that upcycled crafts don't have to be sad, clunky pieces of trash. Nothing about it says, "I used to have an identity, but now I'm a stay at home mom". There's no stenciled swirly letters; no raffia. It doesn't have some ridiculous inspirational quote or your "family name" embroidered anywhere. From this point forward, I hereby decree that all "upcycled", "green", and "recycled" crafts be this dangerously amazing, or they will be required to include the words HIDEOUS CRAP in the listing tags.

God I love this.

What's 30 Days of Play?

Friday, January 14, 2011

30 DoP #10 - "All A-Flutter"

Today's choice for the day of play is ruled by my loins. This model (and the little peekaboo nip) makes them go "a-flutter".

Get it? Okay MOVING ON.

It's not all awkward boners here, though. I own two Necklushes, and they're...amazing, numbering among my favorite accessories (of which there is no lack). Troy and Stephano not only conceptualized this necklace/scarf hybrid, but along with their team, design and print the unique patterns to each piece and create them in-house in their Brooklyn, NY studio. There's something distinctly sexy about a Necklush. It's androgynous, supple, stretchy, and the wearer has the pleasure of deciding how to wear one (there are myriad ways to knot, tie, loop, drape, and cinch). If that's not enough, Necklush is being touted as a revolution in design. Currently, Necklush is representing Etsy in the National Design Triennial at the Smithsonian Cooper-Hewitt, National Design Museum, in addition to the laurels they already proudly display for being sold at the Santa Monica Museum of Art, The Hirshhorn Museum and Sculpture Garden, The Institute of Contemporary Art Boston and the Weisman Art Museum Minneapolis. These gorgeous accessories have been featured in LA Times Magazine, TimeOut NY, Lucky, Us Weekly, Refinery29, Kingdom of Style, and that's just the tip of the iceberg of hundreds of other print and online publications.

They're not just all handmade stretch cotton loops, smoking hot models, and androgyny. When you buy a Necklush you are also contributing to alternative, non-toxic treatment of disease. Necklush donates portions of our profit to The Gerson Institute - "Healing and preventing disease the natural way."

So you can be sexy AND humanitarian at the same time. Give these a serious look.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

30 DoP #9 - "Pretty Pretty Princess"

War of the Roses

I'm a total sucker for crisp, saturated color and haunting imagery. The two meet in the gorgeous and dark print. It's hard to not supply your own story to an image like this. Love scorned? Twisted sisters? You decide. Love the bear, too - the last time I saw a bear in a saddle was at IML. Come to think of it - the person riding him was also dressed as a pretty princess. Hmm. WORLDS COLLIDE.

What's 30 Days of Play?

Underground Countess

She moves in mysterious ways. The most striking feature of this striking are two antique silver pectorals (circa 1933), worked in a scrolling art nouveau-style floral. Between the flanking pectorals drape eleven chains - delicate sterling silver cross, gunmetal circle link, brushed silver cross, silver figaro, silver curb, and polished silver cross - each hypnotic and sleek. The pectoral is held in place about the neck by way of a short length of silver curb chain, clasping at the nape of the neck with a hammered silver bar and toggle clasp.

Like all Lad Named Felix™ pieces, this comes "signed" with LNF's hand-stamped copper tag, ensuring your one-of-a-kind piece is an authentic LNF creation!

Antique 1930's silver art nouveau-style pectorals
Silver curb chain
Sterling silver cross chain
Brushed silver cross chain
Gunmetal circle link chain
Polished silver cross chain
Silver figaro chain
Stainless steel jump rings
Hammered silver bar and toggle clasp

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Calling All Quilters!

My lovelies, please take a moment to read the alchemy request above, or click the graphic to go directly to the request. I learned of this heart-wrenching request through my friends at Regretsy, and though I don't quilt (I have never had patience enough to skillfully handsew), it occurs to me that I must know someone who does. Or someone who knows someone who does. You get the idea.

I ask that you consider assisting in this woman's healing by helping any way you can - making one of the quilts, donating money toward its creation, or just posting a link to this entry to your social media. A little of your consciousness and kindness can go a very long way. If you're not an Etsy user and you'd like to help, please post a comment and I will send your information to April at Regretsy, who is in direct contact with this person in need.

The internet can be used for more than we think. Be thankful today. Thanks, all.

30 DoP #8 - "Gentleman"

I long to return to a time when pajama jeans didn't exist. Also, fuck Jumpin Jammerz. Future historian-fashionistas (in the future it will be a hyphenate, mark my words) will mark the advent of the Snuggie as the point in linear time when western culture began circling the drain. Women used to wear beautiful hats; men, tailored suits and Italian shoes. They dressed for travel, theatre, special events. It was a world with pants. A world with skirts. A world with shoes. A world with standards. Wearing pajamas in public trumpets to the whole world, "I'm here, and I don't care if you take me seriously! So what if I look totally unemployable? I'm COMFORTABLE." Not bothering to waste the 12 seconds it takes to pull a pair of big-boy pants over your ass, zip them, button them, then following the whole Cirque du Soleil-esque round of medieval torture with a shirt sans-hood...well, it speaks volumes about a person's character. You're an adult now, and for the sake of decency and self-respect, put down the Cinnamon Toast Crunch and get yourself dressed.

I hope you don't mind if I get personal on your ass for a minute, but I love getting dressed. It's honestly one of my favorite activities in my day. I've begun to appreciate the Mad Man aesthetic more and more, and my expensive-but-witty graphic tees are slowly migrating to the back of the closet, making ample room for tailored suits, sleek fitted button-downs, and their ilk. I'm 28, and do not intend to be one of those 30-something gay dudes who wears pre-distressed jeans and askew trucker caps. It's time to clean up just a bit (though you know I still leave those first three buttons open when I want...). In this spirit of style, I propose the idea of a boutonniere. This sexy, somewhat dark, and gorgeous piece fits perfectly.

So, about this week:

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

30 DoP #7 - "All the Pretty Birds"

Mad TParty NeoVictorian Coat

Contrary to the honeyed words of gentlemen, this Age of Empire is a pestilence upon every continent and soul, through colonization manifest or implied. Rich men from stone buildings wade blindly through the penniless on their way to the opera, at leisure after a day spent plotting wars across the seas; and though these gentlemen are excellent at imposing a world order, they are equally adept at colonizing the women who maintain their homes. All the while their attention is turned outwards, and all the while we plot from within. Discontent with the complex machinations of the imperialist state, we build a system of co-operation and autonomy. Fed up with the hunger about us, we glean and tax the rich. Tired of playing master or servant, we work only as friends and lovers. And when approached by the newspapers, how they look at us queerly when we tell them with open hearts, “Death to the Empire! No longer will we cower; we are all nobility! Your colonization of our bodies and hearts is an act of war!"

But we love the oiliness of London skies; love the way light slithers on the surface of industrial cloud, running from shadow with nowhere to hide, to be swallowed by the hungry mouth of the gaslit evening. We, the spinners of the cogs of dystopia, savage grease between the gears of art. We overthrow the factory of consciousness by means of beautiful entropy, reveling in the paradox between the practical and the imaginable. We are the Lad.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Bridget on a Bender

Striking and elegant, yet snarky. A series of large and small soldered silver circles link together, with a snake of pure white crystal pearls slithering in and out. A strand comprised of antique glass seed pearls studded with genuine moonstone teardrops winds its way through each silver circle. A length of hearty silver curb chain adds more shine, while a more delicate silver cross chain twists and knots everything together. The entire affair clasps at the nape of the neck with a hammered silver bar and toggle clasp.

Like all Lad Named Felix™ pieces, this comes "signed" with LNF's hand-stamped tag, ensuring your one-of-a-kind piece is an authentic LNF creation!

Soldered silver circles
Crystazzi white crystal pearls
Antique glass seed pearls
Moonstone teardrop beads
Silver-plated curb chain
Silver-plated cross chain
Hammered silver bar and toggle clasp

30 DoP #6 - "Now I Know My ABC's"

Like An Alarm Clock

Internet ephemera is what I live for. Who could forget "whistle tips"? If you've been living under a rock or in a Baptist church for the past 3 years, allow me to break it down for you with the video below (and if you're using a dial-up connection - which I suspect those of you seeing this for the very first time are - go make yourself some breakfast and check back in a bit):

It's clear to me that Bubb Rubb is a delicate and elegant butterfly. And thanks to the creator of this most excellent hand-crafted sampler...I no longer feel alone in that sentiment.

What's 30 Days of Play?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

30 DoP #5 - Raindrops, Raindrops

Woodland in a Raindrop

The simplest words in this 30 Days of Play thing are turning out to be the toughest. I could have chosen some gorgeous blue briolettes, a blurry hipstermatic photo of moisture on a windowpane, or maybe some vintage sapphires...but I try as hard as possible to not be a predictable bore. Imagine my delight when I happened upon this perfect little terrarium. Imagine me doing it while a double-dosage of Benadryl and red wine course violently through my veins. The box warns against mixing them, but if I can't breathe through my nose I may as well find a way to
justify getting a killer OTC buzz dull the pain. I really want to buy this, but faeries can't live in my loft because this is an industrial brewery from the 1880's and therefore I'm sheathed in iron. All I have are goblins, which explains my complete lack of thimbles and odd bits of string.

Okay, no more cold medicine.

What's 30 Days of Play?

Pew Pew Pew

Holiday decorations are officially stripped from my loft. It feels a little barren and cheerless without my legions of Star Wars Legos battling in silent tableaux on my artificial Walgreen's tree. I even miss Darth Vader's Lego TIE fighter, even though it seriously looked like it had crashed into a copse of trees on the forest moon of Endor. Boba Fett's Slave I is gone, taken silently apart and portioned into double-sealed Ziploc bags along with the rest of my plastic building brick fleet.

This gives me serious sad face.

2010 was the nerdiest Christmas EVAR. What excuse do I have now to secretly purchase expensive Lego sets? None, it would seem, at least until the next decorating holiday that I can force my boyfriend into allowing me free reign (read: brow beat him to death and withhold sex until I get my way). No worries, though - I just bought The Sims 3 and some expansion packs. It may not be tiny plastic dolls with guns and ships...but it's playing with dolls all the same. Things don't really change all that much.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

30 DoP #4 - Dressed Up Nakedness

French Maid Open Bum/Lace Control Panties

I think this one's pretty clear. And I think I'm hallucinating from too much cold medicine and high fructose corn syrup. Moving along.

EDIT: Haha, Open bum indeed.

What's 30 Days of Play?

Friday, January 7, 2011

Melty, gooey, salty blog goodness

My quest for genius blogs has attracted many devoted LNF fans. So what if I spend a major portion of my workday clicking and refreshing dozens of sites offering the best everyday commentaries the web has to offer. AT LEAST ITS NOT A SMOKE BREAK. Judge that, haters.

Root: Underground Food is no exception; indeed, it's now a gem in my sexy tiara of internet deliciousness. Do yourself a favor - close the window on your midget clown porn, set your AIM to "BIZZAY" (you know what? just uninstall that whole mess. when's the last time you encountered someone interesting there?), and pile up your virtual plate with a heapin' helpin' of smart-ass cooking fuckery. My thanks to the inimitable Carol Mjoseth for the link - she, with her sassy Fluevogs and enormous vegetable garden, gets me.

30DoP #3 - Scrumtrulescent

Scrumtrulescent: a word to describe something so great and delectable that any other word employed would be woefully insufficient, serving only to limit the sheer magnitude of the greatness intended as a descriptor. Can we all agree that the sensation of covering our wet, naked bodies in chocolate and fragrant spice can only be explained with this word? If you disagree, you're probably a Communist. Or a Mormon. Either way, GTFO. And way to go calling it "body sand". It's all about the name. Did I ever tell you hoors that when I was a fabulous gay larva kid, I dreamed about growing up and naming nail polish colors? I ended up blossoming into a jewelry designer, which affords me the exact same privelege, without exposure to toxic chemicals and nappy toenails. I win.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Unicorn Boy, Why Won't You Love Me?

Over three dozen ivory mother of pearl rounded shards parade around the throat and down the decolletage, held in place by five lengths of chain: gold-plated cross chain, silver-plated cross chain, gold curb chain, and large-link silver curb chain. Two stainless steel jump rings secure it all into place, and the whole conflagration clasps at the nape of the neck with a silver bar and toggle clasp. Now he has to love you.

Like all Lad Named Felix™ pieces, this comes "signed" with LNF's hand-stamped copper tag, ensuring your one-of-a-kind piece is an authentic LNF creation!

Mother of pearl rounded shards (36+)
Gold-plated cross chain
Silver-plated cross chain
Gold curb chain
Large silver curb chain
Stainless steel jump rings
Silver bar and toggle clasp

30DoP #2 - "Elevating"

"Some children are utterly charming, a joy to be around and many children are mostly tolerable, but Balfour Balon was neither of those. He was a brat, plain and simple, and you didn’t have to squint your eyes to see the colossal bully he was sure to become, it was right there in front of you. So perhaps it wasn’t as unfortunate as one might think that Balfour happened upon a slightly evil djinn when prying the cork out of what he thought was a bottle of treacle he found in his father’s study. After making a grand entrance in an enormous puff of lavender smoke, the djinn busied himself rummaging around office looking for items of value to pilfer. “Hey!” yelled Balfour, unnecessarily, “you’re supposed to give me everything I ask for, aren’t you?” The djinn yawned expansively and scratched his ear with a letter opener. “I suppose so. What do you want?” Balfour decided to start small. Out of the window, he could see his father returning from the doctor with Balfour’s detested baby sister, who was happily clutching a balloon in her dimpled little fist. He could pop hers and then taunt her with the one in his possession! “A balloon!” Balfour demanded. “Absolutely not,” drawled the djinn, now laconically cleaning his fingernails: “That is a stupid wish.” Well, as you might imagine, Balfour’s face became so red and swollen it looked as though it might pop and he had a seismic tantrum, which culminated in an earsplitting “YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A BALLOON RIGHT NOW!!!” And so the djinn did, as you can see.

Nowadays, Balfour tends to keep to himself in the town cemetery, his only companion a stuttering raven named Neville who says only “N-n-n-n-n…never mind.”

This original artwork and story are copyright Ramona Szczerba 2009.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

30DoP #1 - "To Sir With Love"

Try not to love this. TRY IT. Not only is Odobenus rosmarus the scientific name for your neighbor Ron the walrus, but it's cunningly steampunk, it's frilly enough to be considered "kitsch", AND it's a cheeky collector's plate that has been heat-fused so you can EAT OFF IT. Functional decor is where it's at, yo.

30 Days of Play

It’s no secret amongst those in the know that Etsy is a bitch**.

If you weren’t formerly in the know, welcome to the know.

However, until I locate that special leprechaun that will design a shiny new website from scratch for Lad Named Felix (that I’m actually able to freely update myself), Etsy is the bitch I have to work for, and work for her I shall. Think of Etsy as a cluelessly privileged hipster/hippie fence-sitter who thinks she knows fashion because her TV gets E!, introduces you as her “gay friend”, smells like menthols and Juniper Breeze, wears all of her jewelry every day, loves caftans constructed from discarded feed bags, builds diaper cakes for all her non-barren friends’ baby showers, collects thimbles from all 50 states, wants to know about your cat’s feelings, names her fuzzy pens, won’t shut up about the shelves she picked up half price at Pottery Barn, has inspirational plaques in her cube with quotes about sisters and footprints, keeps all her (and your) Altoids tins, keeps a sparse blog with the word “musings” in the title…but is still your boss. And the bitch keeps your commission. She shares it with her friend in the Wednesday night drum circle, PayPal.

Regardless of how I feel about working for that salt-water hoor as a seller, Etsy is still a fantastic place to be a BUYER. Where else can you peruse alpaca balaclavas, hand-embroidered vulvas, jewelry made from cat hair, 9/11 refrigerator magnets, and sculptures made of human fingernail clippings (while searching for things you’ll actually, yanno, buy)? Artfire could work, but did you know they restrict words like “champagne”, “bitch”, and “whiskey” in their item listings? You could try eBay, but if you’re like me, shopping at eBay feels like being stranded in your sex offender uncle’s garage while he goes to the kitchen to fetch you both a sweet snack. Etsy is where it’s at if you’re able to lick at the candy shell long enough to get to the Tootsie Roll in the middle.

I’ll give you a minute with that.

Okay, feel better? Good. ONTO THE POINT. I’m a big proponent of creative play. Books like Julia Cameron’s The Artists’ Way hooked me on finding ways to just stop all the mind chatter and play. The benefits are two-fold: I get to take a deliberate break from the busy, hectic life I lead, and it frees up ideas and inspiration that can then be applied to my focused creative work. How have I done it in the past? I have an extensive (read: ridiculous) collection of Bratz - see below for an example of play; I play with Legos; The Sims cower at the mention of my very name. I PLAY WITH DOLLS, OKAY? Jealous? Taking photos around the city is play, as well. So is singing karaoke in front of strangers (it is, you bitch).

I was inspired by a post at the Artist in the Arctic’s blog regarding a scavenger hunt through Etsy. I’ve been dry with ideas since my last Handmade Market show, and I’m looking for ways to fill the well. This sounded like so much fun (like a Regretsy outing) and a delicious chance to PLAY. So play I will…maybe I can find something about Etsy that isn’t so off-putting. Through the magic of Facebook, I’ve collected some awesome words and phrases. I plan to use Etsy to find one item for each scavenger hunt “clue”, then post my play here. One a day, for 30 days or until my inner child passes out from too many mini-marshmallows and Sunny Delight. Whatevs. It’s my blog.

**Let it be known that without Etsy, LNF would not have enjoyed the success it has so far achieved; however, Etsy is still a total closed-door mystery as a company, and there are manifold reasons to be suspicious of their track record and their practices. Be informed.

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